As noted in my previous post, "Between Gurdjieff and Zen, I much prefer Zen," after reading the first chapter in P.D. Ouspensky's book about his time with Gurdjieff, In Search of the Miraculous, I decided that I'd only read one additional chapter — the last one where Ouspensky describes why he parted company with Gurdjieff.
Having done that, here's the reason Ouspensky gives.
In regard to my relations with G. I saw clearly at that time that I had been mistaken about many things that I had ascribed to G. and that by staying with him now I should not be going in the same direction I went at the beginning. And I thought that all the members of our small group, with very few exceptions, were in the same or a similar situation.
This was a very strange "observation" but it was absolutely a right one. I had nothing to say against G.'s methods except that they did not suit me.
A very clear example came to my mind then. I had never had a negative attitude towards the "way of the monk," to religious, mystical ways. At the same time I could never have thought for one moment that such a way was possible for me or suitable.
And so, if after three years of work I perceived that G. was leading us in fact towards the way of religion, of the monastery, and required the observance of all religious forms and ceremonies, there would be of course a motive for disagreeing with this and for going away, even though at the risk of losing direct leadership.
And certainly this would not, at the same time, mean that I considered the religious way a wrong way in general. It may even be a more correct way than my way but it is not my way.
The decision to leave G.'s work and leave him exacted from me a great inner struggle. I had built very much upon it and it was difficult for me now to reconstruct everything from the beginning. But there was nothing else to do.
Of course, all that I had learned during those three years I retained. But a whole year passed by while I was going into all this and until I found it possible to continue to work in the same direction as G. but independently.
I went into a separate house and again began work abandoned in St. Petersburg, on my book which afterwards appeared under the title A New Model of the Universe.
Since the tagline, or slogan, of this blog is "Preaching the gospel of spiritual independence," naturally I believe that Ouspensky did the right thing in following his own way, when the way his teacher, Gurdjieff, was espousing ended up taking Ouspensky in a direction that didn't feel right to him.
This fits with my own deconversion from an Eastern form of religion, though, I stuck with Radha Soami Satsang Beas for thirty-five years, while Ouspensky studied with Gurdjieff for just three years, or four, if we include the year Ouspensky spent transitioning away from Gurdjieff.
In my case, also, it took quite a while before I was able to separate what made sense to me in my previous religiosity (being a vegetarian and daily meditation, for example) versus what no longer made sense to me (devotion to a guru considered to be God in Human Form, for example).
Trust yourself. Those two words hold the key to knowing when to stick with a form of spiritual practice, and when to discard that form. After all, as we gain experience with a practice, we become more knowledgeable about it.
That enables us to discern both what works for us, and what doesn't work for us. Keep doing the former. Stop doing the latter. Again, trust yourself.
Having read all I wanted to of In Search of the Miraculous, this morning I read, or rather re-read, the first chapter of a book Ouspensky wrote after he left Gurdjieff, The Fourth Way: A Record of Talks and Answers to Questions based on the teaching of G.I. Gurdjieff.
My mother kept this book on a table next to her bed, where I found it after she died of a stroke in 1985. My sister and I donated almost all of my mother's books to the library in the small California town where she lived after moving there with me in 1954. But I kept The Fourth Way.
Pleasingly, I found that the notes and underlinings in pencil that my mother left in the book weren't obscured by my yellow highlighting. Also pleasingly, there was quite a bit in the first chapter that I read today which agreed with me, along with some weird stuff that made no sense to me.
I resonated with Ouspensky's emphasis on what seems very much like mindfulness, though he doesn't use that term. Here's some examples.
So, in self-observation for some time you may notice some strange things. For instance, you will find that what is really difficult in observing is that you forget about it. You start to observe, and your emotions connect with some kind of thought and you forget about self-observation.
…So, at the same time as self-observing, we try to be aware of ourselves by holding the sensation of 'I am here' — nothing more. And this is the fact that all Western psychology, without the smallest exception, has missed.
But then there's this astrological sort of craziness.
So plants, animals and men serve a definite purpose: they serve for communication between earth and planets. With the help of organic life which can receive and retain them, planetary influences penetrate to the earth. This is the meaning and reason for organic life on earth.
I don't have to agree with everything in a book, or a spiritual practice, to enjoy it. However, if central assumptions of a book or practice strike me as absurd, I won't take the book or practice seriously. We grow. We learn. What appeals to us at one time in our life may not appeal to us at another time.
Again: trust yourself.
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Hi Brian:
Another beautiful post, and perfect for Christmas Eve. Here is where you, I, Ospensky and Gurdjieff (and I would claim the RSSB Masters, (particularly about meditation practice) agree:
Every religion becomes whatever the practitioner interprets it as, both in practice, experience and meaning. And if they proceed, they make adaptations to it that they can live with and which work for them to generate something like progress. There are a whole series of personal decisions, personal habits, and personal interpretations that intervene. And you get a very personalized system of belief and behavior. It’s unavoidable. The book is only complete when it finds completion in you.
And actually, you are writing your own version of the book.
When you look at so much Biblical interpretation, different schools within Christianity, Islam and Judaism (ostensibly all about the identical version of God) they become different versions of God, different beliefs.
And looking in the hearts of human beings, the number of beliefs multiply, each with their own take.
It isn’t a matter of finally making a decision to go your own way. You were always doing that.
Whatever way you go is your own way. You chose it. You can say you were forced, manipulated, you can blame anyone you like. We are, after all, influenced by the company we keep. And we are not fully aware of what is going on. So when we become more aware, or we simply develop a different point of view in retrospect, it’s still us. We are not much less blind than we were.
How do we know we aren’t being led down instead of up? And just making excuses for it?
But in all events, whether up or down, we do what we personally have chosen to do.
We leave a system of belief and adapt it, even unconsciously, daily. Everyone who claims to be of one school or another does this, whether they know it or not. Everyone creates their own religion.
Once you understand and see this, then it becomes natural, not unique at all, to simply do a better job, a more purposeful, more intentional job, of constructing the set of beliefs and practices that work for you, because we are all doing this already.
And doing so means we are paying attention to these things, trying to refine our own discrimination, our own skill and understanding. These are built into us, the natural desire to learn and improve.
It’s all good, and it’s happening in everyone, and we do better recognizing, accepting and putting thought and energy into creating that higher, more natural standard for our development, and working to live up to it.
Ouspensky seems to have picked up his strange cosmogeny from Gurdjieff, who made them up. Beelzebub’s Tales to his Grandson is full of this stuff, such as that the moon is inhabited by ant people.
Some of his followers thought G was simply writing tongue in cheek. Others felt he was delusional. Others were agnostic. Others defended G’s notions as being quite in line with science, but that his expression of these scientific truths was obscurely rendered.
Such is the way of evolution in religion. In the drive to the new and better, parts of the past endure as vestigial remnants. Opinions differ as to what’s the new and better and to what’s to be left behind.
There must be a number of reasons why, at some point, one decides to leave teachings that originally attracted them. A chief reason for the initial attraction is the never-ending search for meaning along with the existential question of ‘who am I’ – the search for identity. A religion, a cult, a community or any teaching and discipline, can provide meaning and purpose – and I guess this search for meaning also goes for the scientific enquiry – it all seems quite natural.
I am inclined to favour the type of teaching that directs you back to yourself, back to the enquirer, back to the original ground from where thought and ideas emerged rather than teachings that provide ready-made frameworks where answers can be found. Teachers of such institutions often hold elevated positions (like Gurdjeiff) demanding reverence. They also demand conformity to their principles and beliefs.
But it is quite difficult to leave what may be almost a family and break away on your own. It is often almost impossible to question their beliefs as such systems use terms and concepts that are basically thought forms (Heaven, God, Satan, soul etc.) that defy questioning.
@ Ron E.
>>But it is quite difficult to leave what may be almost a family and break away on your own. It is often almost impossible to question their beliefs as such systems use terms and concepts that are basically thought forms (Heaven, God, Satan, soul etc.) that defy questioning.<< It is difficult only because on leaving one again steps into the same trap .. that is ... outsourcing one's persona;l responsibility. Instead of focusing on the teacher and his teachings, proving then first right and later wrong, one better concentrates on where it all started ... in the mind of the seeker. In doing so he or she might find out that the motives for following were not correct, the invested effort not enough and the goal was selfish and had nothing to do with the teacher and his teachings. On realizing these things ...the only thing that might be "painfull" is the leaving behind the good people one came to know.
A Guru considered to be God in human form that’s Gurinder Singh Dhilion aka satanic Radha Soami Cult Leader.
Who’s been exposed and ripped apart by all for being a con artist Baba who has been lying and Stealing money, land and properties from all who he has been in contact with.
That’s about as bent as you can get as a baba who isn’t even to be called a decent human let alone a god.
This piece of trash Gurinder Singh Dhilion, Radha Soami Cult has to be binned and throw it out as you enter a New Year make it the one resolution you must definitely stick too
Again trust yourself
@ Trez
Given the things you attribute to him, the meaning and value, you must be consider one of his greatest admires .. YOU are the one that puts him on a pedestals and look up to him as a god .. a negative one … but still a god.
Gurinder singh dhillon has totally plagiarized the word god. He is an evil, crook , rotten to the core and committing a blasphemy of the highest order hiding behind the image of a benevolent god. People have lost their faith in god because of this evil, khana khootha. Gurinder is nothing but the realization of kaal/ Lucifer/ satan who’s aim is to cause suffering of souls for eons in a continuous cycle of birth and death. His meditation is of kaal, and demonic so the only place a soul ends up is back into the hell hole, the belly of the beast.
Gurinder, your days are numbered, your time is up. Face your karma like a man, stop hiding and avoiding your punishment.