I recently finished writing in a ruled 8 1/2 X 11 pad of paper that I’ve used for various purposes, turning over a page to start writing on a fresh page without discarding what I’d written before. I was about to throw the pad away, or rather, recycle it, when I decided to look at the first pages and see what was there.
Which was… 3 2/3 pages of scribbled notes that I’d taken titled “CBT & Mindfulness — Waking Up.” That made me recall listening to a series on the Waking Up app that featured a subject that interested me. I frequently fall prey to negative thinking, one of the problems Cognitive Behavioral Therapy deals with, and I’m also a fan of mindfulness.
The 23-session series by Seth Gillihan is still on Sam Harris’s Waking Up app. It’s called Mindful CBT. It looks like I listened to about half of the 23 sessions, which last around 6-10 minutes each. The summary of the series says:
In Mindful CBT, author and clinical psychologist Seth Gillihan explains how cognitive behavioral therapy and mindfulness — which “could be seen as opposing philosophies”– together form a “whole-person way” of promoting “major improvements in our well-being.”
Through real-world examples, along with hypothetical cases, Seth details the specific ways this “third wave” of CBT integrates research-validated therapies with centuries-old traditions. This hybrid model, he says, enables us not only to “trigger positive changes” but also, ultimately, to “relieve suffering and find peace.”
Not wanting to waste the notes I’d taken, here’s my attempt to decipher my handwriting — which is difficult to read at best, and more difficult to read when I’m writing quickly, as I had to do while listening to the Mindful CBT series. Hopefully this will make sense to whoever reads it. That includes me, as it could have been several years since I jotted down what follows.
CBT — change thinking and actions. Mindfulness — not thoughts and behaviors but our relationship to them. What we think, do, mindful presence.
Fundamentals of CBT: Thoughts, feelings, actions – traditionally. These interact with each other. Can change any one and affect others. Integrate mindfulness: depth introduced to each. Three dimensional. Quality changes based on quality of attention. How do we relate to our thoughts, feelings, and actions? Instead of pushing away anxious thoughts, give them less weight. Shift from “should” to mindful acceptance.
Finding leverage: Use right tools. Advice alone not very helpful. Match intention with right tools. Willpower alone is recipe for failure. Fear of spiders — start small and work up. Like a ladder — series of small steps. Not why did I fail, but what can I do to succeed.
Working with thoughts: Thoughts can cause anxiety and affect actions. But thoughts often misguided in some way. (1) What’s the story my mind is telling me? Not objective facts often, but subjective. Write down thoughts. (2) Examine evidence, like a scientist. Evidence for and against a thought. What’s true in the situation? (3) Is there a more realistic way of thinking that fits the data better? Cognitive distractions: (A) Fortune telling — prediction about future; (B) Catastrophizing — seeing things in worst possible light; (C) Mind reading — of another person. We think we know what someone else is thinking.
Addressing core beliefs: You become more aware of negative thoughts. Core beliefs drive thoughts. Regular pattern/lens that guide how we see the world. Example: seeing disapproval everywhere. But “That was great, Ryan.” Can’t stop thinking how bad it went. His thoughts warped the facts. He expected to fail. Better — review evidence from Ryan’s life.
Thoughts can feed back into a core belief and strengthen it. Circular, but completely convincing. What is actually happening right now? Minds invent stories. Be in situation as it is. Brush off unhelpful thoughts. Not “oh no.” But “oh well.” Just a mental event. Ryan’s core belief: wellbeing depends on things working out for him. Don’t assume how life has to go. Life doesn’t have to meet our expectations.
Thoughts support mindful presence: Mindfulness supports thinking, and thinking supports mindfulness. Thinking is just what the mind does. Don’t have to take thoughts too seriously. They can play a positive role in our lives. Meditation: being present with what is. Noticing what’s already there.
Working with behavior: Pavlov’s dogs. Animals learn certain things go together. Ring bell, food. Dogs salivate just with bell. Conditioned to expect food while watching TV. Classical conditioning. Baby crying when at doctor’s office. Also learn by consequences of actions. Operant conditioning. Learn patterns in world, and outcomes of our behavior.
Classical and operant go together. Cat going to kitchen after hearing can opener. Short-term vs. long-term effects. Make it easier to do what you intend to do. Make exercise rewarding, right-sized, start easy. Binding yourself to the mast. Put things in place to guide actions when motivation deserts/leaves.
Mindful action: Mindfulness determines quality of actions. With more awareness, you experience a walk. But can take on moral quality — bad if not mindful. Sometimes helpful to be on auto-pilot. Like while driving. But costs when in divided attention mode much of the time. Richer memories if more present. Act in ways that align with reality. Mindful action doesn’t try to force an outcome. Stop struggling against what is. Notice when your actions are at odds with reality.
Working with distress: Mindful CBT. Three ways to feel better. Shift thinking. Act differently. Practice mindfulness. Sometimes tools don’t work. How to make peace with discomfort. If cold: respond with openness and curiosity. It felt interesting, not bad. Mindful acceptance: could tolerate ice water bucket longer. Stop fighting against reality. Change life to match your limitations. I cursed my insomnia. Now just experience of being awake rather than asleep.
“I can’t stand all the future pain that I’m anticipating.” Focus on what’s happening right now. Be present with uncomfortable feelings. Stand for issue you care about even if it upsets some people. Well-being doesn’t depend on eliminating stress. Can I open to this?
Making peace with anxiety: Feelings — anxious, agitated. Thoughts — I’m going to fail. Action — avoid anxious task. Where is your attention focused? Mostly on future — bad things that might happen later. So how address? Come into present. Real you is right here, right now. Body, breath, surroundings. Get curious about your experience.
Now anxiety doesn’t seem like fixed entity. Pattern of mental events. Then, identify anxious thoughts and predictions. Am I certain about this? Trying to be more in touch with reality. Open to not-knowing. Would I be OK if this doesn’t go well? What is the thing you need to do in the present moment? Get started. Starting makes it easier to get going.
I enjoyed reviewing my notes. There’s a lot of good ideas in what Seth Gillihan said. Maybe I’ll finish listening to the sessions and then share notes from the second half of Mindful CBT.
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The mind that creates anxiety is hardly the one to get you beyond it. Attempting to think our way out of our problems is noble, but generally runs afoul when we realize the answer may require more intelligence, change and risk than we are willing to take.
It’s good to realize we create most of our problems. It seems rational to think that thinking calmly about our problems, our goals and desires, as well as our personal difficulties, and taking all planned steps is the way to overcome and proceed with clarity: to think that thinking is not only the first step, but followed by action, is the solution.
But, as Einstein said, problems can’t be fixed with the same thinking that created them.
Seek a friend who sees things more objectively than you do. A good friend who wants you to give them your problems. A friend who loves you. Best still, a friend you can’t help loving more then yourself.
That’s more than handing over your problems.
It’s really living. We were meant for love, even difficulties that come from living in love. Not absence of difficulty.
It’s a very odd thing that we are most loving when we initiate helping someone after we have made up our minds we no longer love them. We have nothing to gain from them. But we don’t walk away just yet. We act in duty to what was once the relationship. We act out of respect for them, for the relationship and ourselves. In that bitterness, that emptiness, we give, feeling hollow, feeling even bankrupt of all the joy and adoration that brought us together. But we choose not to leave.
That is pure love, selfless love. We accept. Though we even blame ourselves for doing so.We realize only years later this was the whole point of love. Because nothing but that higher love, nothing left in us, keeps us doing the right thing. Yet we do it, even miserable, our hands and feet move to keep things going relatively smoothly. When no one else will see and we don’t even appreciate it. That is the fruit of love, bitter as it may be.
And how odd to awaken on a different day in complete joy, without any visible reason at all. Yet amidst nothing, our heart overflows with joy.
The two things are entirely related. But wandering about ignorant and blind, how could we ever understand?
We chose to follow our heart, our sentiment, even when it ran afoul of our desires, our comfort and our best logic.
We chose to follow our heart.
We can only deal with the cards we’re dealt for this one brief life span. Once you realize how insignificant and therefore significant we are you start to wake up and then being out of your comfort zone is your comfort zone. Babaji told me many many things personally about himself, one being that he was just trying to be less chaotic and I told him that I thrive under chaos. He said that we do have free will and sometimes we choose right and sometimes we choose wrong. I told him he chose wrong to initiate me and then tell me that he was going to leave a separate successor in the West so I should quit shaving. He has two sons he said. I didn’t want to be a guru but if it means chaos , I’m in. This is all 20 years ago now. When Sergeant Pepper taught the band to play. Paul McCartney told me that he didn’t care if my stories were true or not that I was a good storyteller. But truth is always stranger than fiction.
So when they tell you that if you can’t love the guru then hate him as much as possible because this also creates attachment. Charan Singh said that. But love and hate come naturally for me and I’m glad to say that none of my hate was wasted. I’m still having inner experiences and have been from the very start. Close your eyes, that’s an inner experience. They need to create a halfway house at the Dera for the kids of satsangis who don’t want to be there. I’ve never even been to India in this lifetime and I have no desire to go.
I started out telling people this on this page only after he chose Mr Gill and even though I knew he told me he was going to choose two people I didn’t expect him to do it in advance publicly like that. I assumed nobody wanted to be a perfect Master knowing what they went through but I was wrong. Instead of sympathy and empathy I’m getting jealousy. Now if so, that’s your problem not mine. All of my criticisms of Gurinder still hold true but I said from the start that two seemingly opposing narratives can both be correct. That’s perfection. I’m not speaking above your head. I AM above your head.
Jealousy and doubt
Here in the UK, Bangor University offers Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy courses. MBCT evolved from Jon Kabat-Zinn’s mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR). J. K-Zinn originally studied with Zen Buddhist teachers. His first book: “Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness.” He dropped the religious aspect, putting MBSR in a scientific context.
Seth Gillihan calls his approach Mindful CBT, and he states: “This hybrid model (CBT), he says, enables us not only to ‘trigger positive changes’ but also, ultimately, to ‘relieve suffering and find peace.”
The Bangor website describes mindfulness as: “Mindfulness is intentionally bringing our attention to the present moment, just as it is, without trying to change it or judge it. It’s noticing thoughts, emotions, body sensations, and surroundings with curiosity and kindness. Rather than being caught up in worries about tomorrow or regrets about yesterday, mindfulness helps us stay connected to what’s happening right now.
All thankfully divorced from any spiritual jargon and connotations, no special teachers, no gurus, just plain, simple, down-to-earth becoming aware of direct experience and meeting it with openness, patience, and acceptance.
Perhaps such a simple approach could help open up the fact that life, for any of us, is simply what’s happening now – all else being mind-created conjectures of opinions, beliefs, hopes and desires.
Perfect
Some people who are wary of cults are attracted to Buddhism. They deem Buddhism a less authoritarian, “cleaner” spiritual way.
My local library gives away old magazines, and I just picked up a copy of the Shambhala Sun from 2006. Here are a few notes about the Buddhist gurus they celebrate or promote in that issue from 20 years ago:
Page 16: Chogyam Trungpa. An enlightened Tibetan Buddhist guru who had sex with many of his followers and who drank himself to death at age 47.
Page 34: Full page ad for Sogyal Rinpoche. Also purportedly enlightened, he was later found to have subjected many women to sexual and psychological abuse.
Pages 73-77: Long article interviewing enlightened Korean Buddhist master Seung Sahn. He bonked many of his female disciples, claiming it was “him” who wanted to do it, but the dharma.
Page 90: Ad for the teachings of Genpo Merzel Sensei. He carried on the tradition of esoteric hobbledoogaga with females who came to him for the dharma.
Page 109: Ad for Lama Surya Das. Like Merzel, another New Yorker who loved being an enlightened guru and loved the women who came to him for teachings.
Page 121: Ad for the Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche, yet another enlightened master. He was the son of Trungpa Rinpoche. The apple didn’t fall far from the bodhi tree, for he too used his spiritual authority for secret tantra techniques of nopantsdance on his female followers.
It must be admitted that many other Buddhist authorities appearing in this issue of Shamhhala Sun lived lives of high ethics. Nevertheless, here we have the most trusted mainstream Buddhist magazine giving its unofficial imprimatur to a score of gurus who abused their authority and exploited their followers. This was only 20 years ago, when the spiritual marketplace thought it had long ago learned its lesson not to trust every guru who came down the pike.
It’s hard for me to believe without becoming nostalgic that I go back with the rssb gurus to previous lives but in this life I go back 50 years with the rssb guru Charan Singh. All gurus are definitely not the same . The world is just way deeper into Kali Yuga now and now desensitized by the computer. I wouldn’t believe anything about gurus AI told me. It’s way different for people who are not into rssb but that was the foundation of this web page. I’ve been reading it for years but I never started saying anything until a few years ago and this will be the end of my online experience. I’ve already gotten rid of my computer. I don’t trust it. There is a realm above mind and it’s called spirit. Don’t get stuck in the crooked tunnel. Okay I’ve said too much out of boredom and too much free time but soon everybody will know who I am and I won’t have any time. That’s why we recommend a householders lifestyle , not being a monk.