RSSB: Parasocial relationship

Below is another in a series of guest blog posts from Anon, an ex-RSSB initiate. RSSB stands for Radha Soami Satsang Beas, an India-based religious organization headed up by a guru that I belonged to for 35 years, which explains my interest in sharing criticisms of the faith that I also found lacking.

Anon mentions me in the post as an example of someone who substituted a relationship with the RSSB guru for a family relationship. I edited that part to correct some factual errors. I left in a mention of how my relationship with the guru took over other relationships in my life, even though that is a considerable exaggeration. After all, for only two weeks in a 18-year marriage did I put a visit to see the RSSB guru above my family obligations. Here’s how I described the Christmas episode in a 2017 blog post:

The only time I saw Charan Singh in person was during two weeks in 1977.  I’d just begun a new job in state government in Salem, Oregon. I had a five year old daughter who was going to get her first bicycle from “Santa.” My wife dearly wanted me to be home for Christmas. I did too. However, I was even more desperate to see the guru in person after being initiated by him by proxy (via an American representative of the guru, Roland deVries) in 1971.

Here’s Anon’s post:

RSSB: PARASOCIAL RELATIONSHIP

This is my biggest issue with the whole of RSSB. Honestly.

RSSB literature, sermons, sayings – all their content – talks about a “personal relationship” with the guru/master. RSSB often talks a lot about having “love for the master” and how it is “something that will develop” and also “something you need to develop”.

People genuinely believed they have a personal relationship with him. I always found this odd and weird and questioned it. I was often shut down for it and it was dismissed as “something I’d develop” in time (newsflash – I didn’t).

These weren’t “doubts” or “something to develop”. These were just basic facts rooted in reality:

• I’ve never met the guy
• I’ve never talked with the guy
• I don’t know him
• He doesn’t know me
• There isn’t a personal relationship between me and him
• I don’t love him

You may listen to Taylor Swift a lot –  you may watch their music videos, listen to their music, hear what they have to say, read articles and things they’ve said, copy their style, say the same phrases they say, see their interviews, purchase their materials, go to their concert, see them live in action, be right at the front, take photos and videos, share their music with others. You don’t have a personal relationship with Taylor Swift though. You’d be called delusional if you did. There’s a reason public figures have that level of security around them constantly for “crazy fans” (including the guru).

Eventually I did have some sort of limited access to him. I did get to talk to him. It still didn’t change. I didn’t believe I had a personal relationship with him. Even when I did speak with the guru – it was nothing more than an acquaintance level conversation between 2 people in the same place. It was also only ever in the context of RSSB – where I was doing (unpaid) work and he was the ultimate head of the organisation – so in a professional context of a spiritual organisation. It was nothing more than a worker meeting their CEO, or a White House staff meeting the President. You wouldn’t meet Obama in passing, even if you worked closely with him, and believe you had a personal relationship with him. He was very welcoming and warm and friendly and humorous. That is just basic human decency – that does not make it a personal relationship either.

I have real personal relationships. I can talk to them about daily life, hug them, call them anytime, tell them anything, ask them anything, they know about me, I know about them, we are in each others lives, we have each others contact details, we have been to each others major events, we have sat together and eaten, we have done events and activities together, we have travelled together, we know each others likes and dislikes, we’ve supported each other in good moments and bad moments, we are there for each other deeply. We have lived our lives together. I have simply just not had this with that master guru spiritual man RSSB head. Nobody has – except for his own personal relationships – not you.

PARASOCIAL RELATIONSHIP

Attending someone’s event isn’t a personal relationship (satsang). Seeing someone around a public setting isn’t a personal relationship (RSSB grounds). Listening to their online public content isn’t a personal relationship (online videos). Doing voluntary work at their organisation isn’t a personal relationship (seva). Keeping their photo up isn’t a personal relationship. Reading the literature from their organisation isn’t a personal relationship. Visualising them in meditation isn’t a personal relationship.

He is no different to any other major public figure and any belief in a personal relationship with this person is a delusion.

Believing they are your spiritual leader/guru/master (regardless of the god in human form claim) is something entirely different. That is not a personal relationship

It is a one-sided relationship based on “consumption of content”. It is not a personal relationship but a parasocial relationship at most.

A parasocial relationship is “a one sided psychological bond where a person invests time, interest, and emotional energy into a media figure, celebrity, influencer, or fictional character, who is completely unaware of their existence”.

This term was originally coined in 1956 by 2 psychologists (Horton and Wahl) who spoke about how people felt an “illusion of intimacy” towards public figures. Key areas include:

• Feeling a personal friendship, mentorship, or romance with someone you have never met.
• Experiencing strong emotional reactions—such as grief, betrayal, or extreme pride—over the life events of a public figure.
• Following content, buying merchandise, or defending the persona intensely against criticism.

They state there are positive impacts such as a “sense of community” with other fans/followers who have the same feeling towards the person, “inspiration” such as confidence, or even a sense of “companionship” for those lacking bonds, However there are also negative side effects:

• Neglecting Real Life: Can cause people to pull away from mutual, two-way friendships or struggle with work and school responsibilities.
• Unrealistic Expectations: Creates skewed standards for intimacy that can make actual interpersonal relationships feel disappointing.
• Distress and Boundaries: Can lead to emotional burnout or boundary-violating behaviors when the public figure makes a choice the fan dislikes.

RSSB IMPACT

I have seen this play out in real life. I have seen many instances of RSSB people neglect their actual personal relationships (parents, partners, children) for the delusional “personal relationship” (parasocial relationship) with the person they believe is their personal saviour. This is for someone who they have never even met, or the “lucky” handful who had some high level engagement with at most – in the context of working for RSSB as “seva”. They don’t get replaced by a relationship with the guru, because they have no personal relationship with him. The relationship often becomes based on consumption of anything associated with the guru – heavy satsang, seva, centre attendance, meditation practices, lifestyle vows adherence. (I would say this even applies for inner circle RSSB high ranking workers).

Their life just becomes RSSB, because that’s the closest thing they have to the guru. Many other things fall away as a result. I’ve seen people actively miss out/neglect or reject other opportunities in other areas of life (not just relationships) because they simply put RSSB first. It’s an incredibly dangerous element of the path. Nobody ever really speaks about this.

Brian addressed this briefly about his first marriage and how this fell apart. He spoke of how he missed a christmas/holiday season with his five year old daughter – because he was on a two week spiritual retreat at the Dera (RSSB HQ). It’s an example of how the parasocial relationship took over the personal relationships in his life. I’m sorry this happened Brian – it wasn’t your fault.

It doesn’t help that RSSB tells people worldly relationships like family relationships are just “temporary attachments”, “worldly attachments”, which are “based on karma”, which will “bring you down”, that everything here is “maya” (illusion) including your relationships, because “ultimately they will all leave you”. RSSB often uses karma theory to explain that “you had family relationships like a mother, father, spouse, children in your previous lives, and you don’t think of them now, so you won’t think of these current relationships in your next life” – speaking of the “transient” or “ephemeral” or “fleeting” nature of your personal relationships.

RSSB does say that personal relationships will “distract you from your true path”, and the “only real relationship is with the guru”, and being around the wrong people will “drag you down by association” and while you should not “run away like a hermit” you should simply “do your duty” towards loved ones. If I was really skeptical – RSSB belief undermines/erodes your actual personal relationships, isolates you from them, and replaces them with the guru figure as a stand-in personal relationship (which is actually a parasocial relationship).

I am going to write some more about this in a sister post which hopefully helps others

Think about it

What is the odd about this “personal relationship” with the guru? What does RSSB say at the start of every sermon/satsang before the interactive question/answer session with the guru? They say this: “Do not ask the master any personal questions”

It reminds me of a comment someone on here said: “They need you more than you need them, without you, it falls apart” (a user called “SatsangSuckz”). I agree. It is your love, your devotion, you pouring into the so-called “personal relationship” which is what makes it feel real.

Good luck out there,

Anon