Personal/Stories

Yesterday I got an email from a Church of the Churchless visitor who offered me some advice: It seems to me like you spend more time writing on this blogging thing than is healthy for anybody to do….We all get disillusioned with something, but we can move on or we can waste our time bitching about our disillusionment in cyberspace all day. Well, I beg to differ. I'm not in cyberspace all day. Though when our well pump stopped working this afternoon, and I had to find a way to get it fixed at the start of the Memorial Day…

I like how Zen talks about the need for a "great ball of doubt." It seems like I should have enjoyed a satori by now, my doubt is so balled up. Some days more than others. This was a good doubting day. I just had an interview with my Zen master, who, conveniently, is myself (makes it easy to get appointments). He reviewed the enigmatic koans that life presented me on this Sunday, along with my responses. I think he was pleased. But I can't say for sure. That doubt thing, you know. Sundays usually follow a fairly predictable routine…

It's easy not to think too much on Maui. But my blogging addiction presses me toward a Church of the Churchless posting. Where is my inspiration? In today, in the waves. They were good sized today in Napili Bay, praise the wave gods. Whenever we come to Maui I religiously bring my boogie board on the airplane. Then I devotedly cart it down to the beach, every time we go, no matter how calm the ocean is. You never know. You really don't. I've been fooled before. Nice waves can spring out of nowhere. Like satori. This morning I was…

Been meditating for lots of years? Made pilgrimages to India? Devoted yourself to serving a church or other faith? And you still have a big ego? Don't worry. I've discovered another path to egolessness. No Zen master required. All you need is an inexpensive Flip Video and a free You Tube account. Then make some videos of yourself doing something that you think you can do, upload them, and experience the marvelous humility of seeing yourself from the outside rather than the inside. That's what I did yesterday on my other blog, with "Me doing Tai Chi." I mention this…

For most of my life I'd get pissed off if someone told me, You're an ignorant fool! But now I've begun to say that to myself. And it makes me feel good. Today the words came to me before I began my habitual morning meditation. I'd drunk my strong cup of coffee. I'd read from my eclectic mix of books, a bit of science, a bit of philosophy. I'd settled onto my cushion, preparing to open myself to insights into the Meaning of It All. And the voice that speaks inside my head blurted out, You're an ignorant fool! My…

It's a good day when I combine a tall nonfat vanilla latte with some stimulating philosophical conversation. This afternoon I enjoyed both in the company of Patricia Herron, a religious studies professor. We get together periodically at the south Salem Beanery to solve the mysteries of the universe. Never quite get there, no matter how large the latte, but the journey is the thing. Today we started out musing about nonduality and duality. It's fun to talk about the One, my favorite non-religious euphemism for "God." But as countless mystics and philosophers have pointed out, as soon as you say…

Thanks to my friend Randy, who emailed me these images today, for a while I felt really good. Finally! I was beginning to get a well-deserved recognition of my holiness – as befits someone, namely Me, who has preached so many sermons here at the Church of the Churchless. Unfortunately, I let reality enter into my fantasy. Not a good idea, if you're entertaining delusions of spiritual grandeur (one of my favorite activities). I made the mistake of Googling "church of briantology card." And damn it!, up popped a result that led me to a blogger who just had to…

There I am, eleven or twelve years old, some age thereabouts, hunched over a test tube on my back porch, carefully following the instructions in my science kit that said, "Conduct this experiment in a well-ventilated area." Good advice. Because this, thankfully, was before the days when anal-retentive product safety types could stand between a boy and his homemade chlorine gas. As instructed, I put the chemicals into a test tube. I added water. I put my nose close to the test tube and waved my hand over the end of it to waft some of the gas into my…

I enjoyed my 45 minute or so BlogTalkRadio conversation with medium Marcel Cairo yesterday. We were supposed to talk about Science, Spirituality, and Spinoza, which we sort of did. The archived AfterLifeFM show is here. To hear me in my (somewhat muffled) glory, scroll down and click on one of the symbols to the right of "Dismantling Dogma." The arrow thingie fires up Windows Media Player. Alternatively, I'll share my memory of some conversational highlights. This is the third time Marcel and I have talked over the Internet. We've got a thing going. As a medium, Marcel obviously believes in…

Who knew there was such a thing as BlogTalkRadio? Not me, until medium Marcel Cairo invited me to be on his AfterLifeFM show today, 4 PM Pacific, 7 PM Eastern, some other time in between the coasts. Tune in. Or better yet, call in. You listen via the Internet by pressing the "Click here" thingie when the time comes. You can call in via any sort of phone: 646-478-5711. Our subject is Dismantling Dogma: Science, Spirituality, and Spinoza. I'm no expert on Spinoza, but I've filled up a large-post it note with pithy reminders of his philosophy, which should be…

The past few days haven't been real cheerful for me, save-the-world (or 137 acres, at least) wise. My wife and I have been leading a fight against a proposed subdivision on groundwater limited farmland adjacent to our neighborhood. Wednesday we got screwed by a purely political decision by our county Board of Commissioners. They ignored an independent hydrogeologic assessment and their own Planning Commission. That night I had trouble getting to sleep, as travesty of justice visions kept running through my brain. Thursday I got to vent to a television news reporter. That made me feel a bit better, even…

In my dream, I hasten to add. No need to call 911. All the killing last night took place in my own mind for reasons unknown, like so much else that transpires in my psyche. Usually I'm not big on trying to interpret dreams. Mostly they seem to be my mind's attempt to connect fragments of the previous day's disconnected experiences. Maybe this explains my dream. Maybe not. Regardless, the peak emotional moment is still vivid. "Nobody is going to come!" After repeatedly calling out for help to people I could see around me, I finally realized that if the…

When we had to drag everything out of the crawl space above our garage, I found a 1970 photo that hadn't seen the light of day for quite a while. I was struck by how I appeared so wise at 21, and, let's admit it, Christ like (leaving aside the minor detail that no one knows how Jesus looked). Now, at 58, I don't know nothing about God and all that. I'm on a downward trajectory that has culminated in my Wu Project. But I'm confident there's further to fall. This unposed photo was taken in my home town of…

I spent six hours this weekend pulling disintegrated insulation out of the crawl space above our garage. There are difficult jobs. There are nasty jobs. And then there are really shitty jobs. Like what I just did. Serendipity is perusing the comments on your blog and finding just what you need to give a boost of profundity to the post you were planning to write. Thank you, Edward, for the Richard Feynman quote: "A poet once said "The whole universe is in a glass of wine." We will probably never know in what sense he meant that, for poets do…

This is a Church of the Churchless day when some Oregon snow is going to do most of the talking. I learned quite a bit from it on my walk this morning. When you feel the spirit, jump up and dance with snowballs. Bare bright branches are beautiful. No leaves necessary. Even blah barren brush turns into wow! with a coating of white. Put on the right coat and you'll say "It's not cold." Dead trees are still alive. Oh, yes, very much so. It’s possible to walk in your own footsteps (our dog can, at least, which is how…

It’s sort of clichéd for a blogger to devote his last post of the year to thanking his readers. But who’s afraid of a big bad cliché? Not me. I’m doing it anyway. Thank you. TypePad, my blog host, tells me that on average a few hundred people enter the cyberspacey Church of the Churchless door every day. I’m grateful. I talk to myself a lot of the time. That gets old. It’s nice to reach out and touch someone else, even if they’re repulsed by the gesture. Today I caught up on some unreplied emails and came across one…

I ran into a platitude-buster at Salem’s LifeSource Natural Foods today. A new check-out girl started to ring up my items. She said, “Are you having a nice day?” I was familiar with grocery store etiquette, so responded with my expected line. “Yes, I am. Hope you are too.” That’s where the scripted exchange of pleasantries usually ends. But she surprised me. She stopped what she was doing, looked me in the eye, and asked, “What’s made it a nice day?” Nice! Yet also mildly anxiety-producing. I needed to come up with an answer. Pretty quick, since there were other…

I enjoyed my conversation with Marcel and Lenny on Achieve Radio's "In Good Spirit" tonight. Marcel mentioned the Church of the Churchless several times, so maybe some new blog readers have found their way here. I wrote about my reading with Marcel, the medium, last month, so it's slipped off the listing of most recent posts. For those interested in how a skeptic viewed his first reading, click on "I visit a Hollywood medium, Marcel Cairo." When (or if) Achieve Radio puts up an archive of tonight's show, I'll blog about it. For sure. [Update: Marcel sent me a link…