Humor

Ah, finally it's clear what the difference is between Jesus, Dracula, Frankenstein, and a zombie.Thanks, Pharyngula blog.

Way to go, you churchless citizens of the United States. You're responsible for everything that's wrong in the country. So saith Glenn Beck.  (Fortunately, this means you don't have to take that crazy accusation seriously.)

Recently I got an email alerting me to a revelation: Goat on a Pole. Praise Goat. And Pole. For I have learned there is nothing else to know, no greater mystery to decipher, no image of reality better worth contemplating.From the Holy Goatonapole web site:"Goatonapole is the philosophy of being that holds that there is a Goat and a Pole and that the Goat is on the Pole. In the relation of Goat and Pole we Goatonapolists find an eternal thread of unfathomable cosmic significance, a point of reference in which all opposites dissolve into a unity of infinite breadth,…

Hey, it's Labor Day. Which, rather paradoxically, is a national holiday in the United States where the goal for most people is to do as little as possible -- since the long hot lazy days of summer are coming to an end. So I'm going to take it easy on my churchless blogging today, simply sharing some multimedia that tackles in cartoonish and musical fashion an important question: WIll God fuck you up? One of my favorite comic strips, Pearls Before Swine, seems to argue in the negative in this August 30 offering (I say "seems" because it's tough to…

The Tao works in mysterious ways. Mostly, for me, through the Internet. If ultimate truth ever speaks to me, I figure it will be via my MacBook.So I smiled sagely -- my natural expression -- when I clicked on an email that informed me Bob Tzu now was following me on Twitter. Twitter etiquette demanded that I take a look at Bob's page to see if his Tweets were interesting enough to make me want to follow him.Which, they were. Bob Tzu had me at...Ignorance may not really be bliss... but it'll do in a pinch.Tomorrow, I will live in…

I figured that today would be an auspicious time to make a momentous announcement: by the grace of God, I've realized that my churchlessness has been a dreadful mistake -- the result of egotistical delusion.So I've decided to simultaneously embrace evangelical Christianity and return to the Sant Mat fold. May my heretical sins and karmas be forgiven by Jesus and the Guru, who I hope will get along as my co-spiritual guides, notwithstanding their doctrinal differences.In an astounding calendarical synchronicity, today Google also announced an amazing development. We are on the same enlightened wavelength, mine religious, Google's being artificial intelligentish.…

I love how a cartoon can point out the absurdity of religion so well.

This great cartoon says it all.

I think I also own this GPS device.

Or, on top of. That's one of the great things about this story of a mega-church pastor urging his congregation (married only, please) to have sex for seven days straight. It lends itself to double entendres. I watched a story about "Thou Shalt Not Abstain" on CNN and couldn't resist getting out my Flip VIdeo camera and beaming it up to You Tube. My favorite part is about 1:10 in, when a woman says that the pastor hadn't touched on this subject before. At least, "not in so much depth." Giggle, giggle. It's refreshing to see religion addressing down-to-earth human…

I've been spending so much hours watching the Olympics every evening, I figure I might as well try to suck some cosmic significance out of my TV time. Some spiritual (and profane) observations: …How come godless China has way more gold medals than the godly United States? Our president ends every speech with "God bless America." What's gone wrong with our blessing? …While watching the opening ceremonies that were choreographed for marvelously disciplined thousands, I wanted to move to China and become part of an egoless society where the individual is a cog in a societal machine. But then I…

If one person knows nothing, is it possible for two people in the same state to know less than nothing? This marvelous philosophical question was resolved yesterday on PBS' Car Talk, which features the always entertaining Magliozzi brothers, Tom and Ray (a.k.a Click and Clack, or Clack and Click; I don't know what goes with each brother). They read a letter from listener Andy Reischman, who thanked them profusely for answering that question – which he said had deviled him for twenty years. Me too. I'd just never phrased it in such a clear fashion. After all, this really is…

I've been waiting for the proof. Now I've found it. Nothing else to do but embrace Jesus. Praise the Lord! And a kitten's fur. Because there Jesus is, if you look really closely. (Actually, I couldn't make him out on this CNN video. But that's probably because my faith isn't at its maximum yet.) This shows that I need to pay closer attention to our dog's coat when I pat her. I can't believe that the Lord chose a cat to reveal the divinity of His Son, and not a canine – given that dog spelled backwards is you know…

Good news: I scored over 50%. Bad news: I'm going to hell.

I learn a lot in the bathroom, thanks largely to Funny Times – which habitually resides in a drawer within convenient reach of my white pondering place. The May issue features quotes about belief in the Curmudgeon column (using content from "The Big Curmudgeon"). I liked these quotations, because I believe them. The others obviously are wrong, so I left them out. --------------------------- The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one. – George Bernard Shaw Men become civilized, not…

Ooh! I want one! Yes, awesome. Bless his noodly appendage, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is devouring false religion. Pastafarians are rejoicing, Ramen!

While perusing a Christian web site that pokes fun at evangelical fundamentalism, today I suddenly thought Cartoons! Back in 1999 I'd worked with a talented artist, Bart Goldman, on cartoons aimed at deflating the balloon of Radha Soami Satsang Beas seriousness (RSSB is a branch of Sant Mat). Bart and I both were RSSB initiates. We met at a RSSB bhandara (large get-together), introduced by a mutual friend: Victoria, also an artist. Several times Victoria leaned over to me and whispered, in a decided stage whisper, so Bart could hear, "He's very talented." Since spiritual cartooning ideas had been running…

Watch out, Church of the Churchless visitors. In my never-ending quest to promote honest sin and discourage hypocritical virtue, I've got to warn you about a seemingly innocent product that could be extremely dangerous to your health. Holy Drinking Water. As described in a Newsweek article, "Bless This Bottled Water," this spiritual alternative to Evian is blessed before it's shipped off to be sold. The Holy Drinking Water website has a warning, which may or may not be tongue-in-cheek: "If you are a sinner or evil in nature, this product may cause burning, intense heat, sweating, skin irritations, rashes, itchiness,…

It's good to see that Pastafarianism, the glorious revelation of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, is back in the news. I was an early embracer of this alternative to both evolution and intelligent design, praising this witty rebuke to creationism several years ago. And supporting the cause by buying a Kansas Museum of Science t-shirt. Bobby Henderson is the prophet through whom the Flying Spaghetti Monster (blessed be His Noodly Appendage) speaks. His open letter to the Kansas School Board first revealed the gospel of Pastafarianism to a spaghetti-starved world. I'm proud that Henderson is a recent physics…